


pyre

by thesunwillshineclear



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 14.08 CODA, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s14e08 Byzantium, Gen, Sam Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-17 17:35:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16978926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesunwillshineclear/pseuds/thesunwillshineclear
Summary: I was… I was trying to build a pyre. I couldn’t, I couldn’t even... do that for him.a 14.08 coda





	pyre

They needed to burn the body. 

Before they burned the body they needed to build a pyre.

Sam couldn’t do this. The last pyre he built, _tried to build_ , still too fresh in his mind. The pyre for his kid. Jack was walking through the woods gathering twigs just a few feet away, perfectly safe and alive, but the pain of his loss was still fresh and aching in Sam’s chest. 

He went to rub at the seemingly physical pain, but his hand was weighed down by something, and looking down, he saw the ax. It was dark out. He was- he was supposed to be cutting down trees. For the pyre. The pyre for Ja- no, the civilian. He blinked rapidly to clear his vision, it wasn’t night, it was just close to dawn. 

“Sam?”

Sam hadn’t even heard the crunch of the leaves, signaling Jack doubling back for him. He was standing still. He was supposed to be doing something-

“I, uh, I got some twigs like you said.”

He knew he should respond, he should let Jack know he’s okay, he’s _fine_. He’s not the one that just _died_ less than a week ago. But Sam’s body was doing a pretty piss poor job of doing what it should do currently. 

Instead, he leaned up against the tree at his back and set the ax down, blade down and facing away, huffing a laugh, he was glad he was at least aware enough to have ax safety. With eyes closed, he simply breathed in deeply once in and out to calm his shaken nerves and the memories set on continuous playback in his head.

_Watch over him, stay by his side… as he dies._

_Please don’t be sad. Maybe… maybe this is how things are supposed to be._

_Sam, what happens next? For someone like… me?_

_I don’t know._

_Then it’s going to be an adventure._

_He’s gone._

_I was… I was trying to build a pyre. I couldn’t, I couldn’t even... do that for him._

Hesitant arms wrapped around Sam, and he froze, just for a moment, before returning the hug. He tucked Jack’s head into his shoulder, his hand splayed against the back of his head, and his breath caught in his throat. 

His kid was comforting _him_.

Sam didn’t deserve this, he couldn’t save him from dying, and even after he couldn’t build a pyre. These thoughts of inadequacy and shame tumbled through his mind. He simply brushed them aside and leaned into the feeling of Jack in his arms, still incredibly and impossibly _alive_.

Sam could hear mumbling into his shoulder and focused just a bit harder- “-sorry I left, I’m sorry you’re hurting, I don’t know what to _do_ , I don’t know what happened while I was gone I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m _sorry_ -”

Confused, Sam pulled back from the hug, keeping his hands on Jack’s shoulders. Even with his face down, Sam could see his eyes, red and dangerously close to tears; the parent in Sam was quick to respond. “Jack, hey, stop for a second.”

Finally, Jack looked back up at Sam and he could see the helplessness in his eyes, sure that he looked the same a few days ago. 

“You have _nothing_ to be sorry for, Jack, none of this was your fault.” Sam coughed, hoping to clear up some of the thickness still in his throat. 

“Yeah, but now there’s-” Jack cut himself off, and shifted a bit, brow crinkling, before continuing, “-now you’re upset and I, I don’t know what to do.”

His immediate instinct was to brush aside the concern, move past it like he’d done so many times before. But… Jack was being so unrepentantly upfront about his emotions- like he often was. Sam needed to show some vulnerability in return, not let Jack be swept up in bottling everything up like he and Dean tended to do.

_Deep breath, Sam, you’re doing this for your kid._ “I was… I was a bit overwhelmed a couple minutes ago, stuck in some not great memories, but you helped me out. Just by being here. So, I just want to say thank you for that, Jack, you did the right thing.”

Sam’s reassurance seemed to help for the moment; Jack’s lips turned up in a pale imitation of a smile, but it was still there. Yet there was something lingering in Jack’s eyes, a hesitancy Sam didn’t quite know how to decipher. He could ask, but one problem at a time. 

Better to be safe than sorry, though, he patted Jacks shoulder once more, “Jack, you know you can come talk to me if anything is bothering you too, right?”

Jack’s eyes brightened and he responded positively almost a bit too quickly, but Sam didn’t quite know if he could handle another emotional confrontation today. Picking up the ax once more, Sam led Jack by the shoulder back in to the trees made note of it in the back of his mind for later.

Again, his mind warred against him with dark memories of a few days ago, but he pushed those thoughts aside. Jack was walking with him, shoulder to shoulder. The ache in his chest lessening with every step. Many of the trees ahead of them were losing their dark, pointed shapes as they began to glow, golden in the morning light.

The sun was rising.


End file.
